Parents Of Suicide
Writings Library
Mark Baker

Elaine Davison
August 19, 2000

Born on July 31st. 1980, at 5:35pm. He weighed 8lbs, 2 ounces, and was 20" long. Born at William Beaumont hospital in Royal Oak, Michigan. Mark Harry Baker, born to Elaine Carol Soper (Baker, Davison), and Mark Rene Baker. He was named after his father, and grandfather(my dad).

Markie was born out of wedlock, which didn't bother me at all. I didn't believe a couple should be married because of a child. I believe it could bring about a very unhappy marriage, which would bring tension into the household. The tension in return could bring about a very unhappy childhood for the children. We were finally married in June of 1981. We went away to Union Springs, Alabama and surprised the family when we came home.

He was a very happy baby. My first born, so he received a lot attention. First grandchild on my side of the family also. Needless to say he was loved and spoiled rotten this first year.

Twenty two months exactly after my Markie was born, May 31, 1982, Markie’s brother was born, Shawn Patrick Baker, Markie's first real playmate. He loved him more then anybody will ever really know. He was a little jealous at first but, adjusted well after realizing that the love we had could be shared between the both of them. Markie turned into a little clown. Always trying to make others laugh, especially his baby brother.

About five months after Shawn was born I found, I was pregnant again. This is when our problems started. A little into my pregnancy Markie's dad came and informed me that he was having an affair. At this time he packed his stuff and left on my request. I also told him that if things changed I would be here.

Almost 3 years after Markie was born his baby sister came into this world, Tricia Sarah Baker, a beautiful baby girl. While in the hospital Markie's dad came to the hospital and requested another chance with me and his family. He was welcomed with open arms, but it didn't last long. I requested that he stop drinking also, which led to sneaking around with a bottle in his pocket. He soon started having an affair again. Last straw. No more chances.

This was hard on the kids, but I knew deep down that it would have been worse otherwise. I did my best with my children, being a single mom at that time. The break up hurt Markie the most, although I didn't realize it at that time. I guess even then he was good at hiding hurt feelings.

Markie's father came to visit, and take the kids for visitation on a regular basis for the first year. The visits were less and less as time went on, until they stopped all together. The kids were told one year that they had a bunch of Christmas gifts at their Aunts house waiting for them. They finally stopped asking me about them a few years ago.

In June of 1986, one month before Markie turned 5 yrs. old I met my current husband (Bob). The kids were away at their Aunts at the time, so that made it good, at the time. But, when they did meet, they all fell in love with him. We were married on Nov. 29, 1986. Markie was our ring bearer at our wedding, he was fine with it until it actually came down to walking down the aisle. He would not carry the pillow, and he walked down the aisle with a frown. Afterwards, Markie was fine, All Smiles, Ah relief!

Along with the marriage came a very large family. Bob had 4 children from his first marriage, (Bobby age 13, Brian age 11, Becky age 7, and Brandon age 2). As I've already explained, I had 3 children from my first marriage,(Markie age 6, Shawn age 4, and Tricia age 3). We all got along beautifully.

Nine months after our marriage, Scott Adam Davison was born. He was such a doll! I had a hard delivery with this one and I swore, NO MORE! This little guy received a lot of attention from his 5 brothers and 2 sisters. Markie always called him "Buddy", Always! We all got along beautifully, in fact Bob's ex wife and I became best friends.

Markie had very low self-esteem. I attribute this to his first grade teacher, who did not have any patience for children, and in no way should of been a first grade teacher. There was no praise in her class, only criticism. From then on, as hard as we tried, he felt very little of himself. He then hated school, and didn't do as well, as he was able.

After the first marking period of fifth grade, his teacher brought to my attention her concern that Markie could be ADD(Attention Deficit Disorder). With this information, I took him and had him tested. They ran a series of tests on him, it took weeks. Finally, finding out that the tests were positive, he was strictly monitored on medication.

The first month on the medication he received awards for being "Student of the Month". He was so, so happy. He had finally made an achievement(in his eyes). I was so happy for him, maybe a little embarrassed.

Shortly after 5th grade we moved to a different county. We could not take Mark to the same doctor, as he didn't service that county. At the time we thought there would be no problem, there's got to be another doctor with the same knowledge of ADD. Boy, were we wrong! All these doctors did was guess, and he started going down hill again.

Mark loved baseball, and basketball, and was very good at these sports. He was getting taller for basketball, and was a great pitcher for baseball. He put everything he had into these sports. It wasn't long, and he soon lost interest. :(

During the later years in junior high his anger really started to come out. A lot of resentment toward Bob, but we couldn't understand why. Counseling brought out nothing. We were told that Mark was a waste of their time, because he wouldn't talk. Another blow to his self esteem! Many different counselors with the same results. He couldn't be helped, until he wanted to be helped.

He had a teacher that would look directly at him in front of the class and announce, with a pointed finger that he saw Markie as his troublemaker. We spent many afternoons at that school. Either we were there because there were problems with him, or we were there defending him, when we thought things were unjust. The teachers finally let up on him after a couple of confrontations.

High school started out fine, but half way through his freshmen year it started all over. He couldn't stand taking his medicine. he called them stupid pills! He would say he was taking them when he really wasn't. Needless to say, he quit school one month into his sophomore year.

He had asked briefly about his father on, and off throughout his life. The last time he had seen or heard from him was in 1988. The pieces were fitting together. The resentment he felt toward Bob, was because he didn't want a replacement. I started looking for his father, hoping it would make a difference, No luck!

I finally decided that my last resort was U-Search. Mark seemed to want this very badly, and it was something I had to do for him. I received phone numbers, and addresses. I called and wrote, and finally got in contact with Markie's Uncle Wayne who informed me that he had not seen, nor heard from his father in over 3 yrs. Now, the door had been opened.

After Mark had quit school he had asked if he could go visit his Uncle Harry for a couple of weeks, down in Detroit. He never came home to live again. I begged, pleaded, called the courts and it seemed the only thing I could do was make sure he was with family, and safe. He started drinking heavily.

He lived with his 2 brothers, back and forth, he stayed with his Grandparents, and an Uncle in Traverse City. Mark made his own rules, this is why he jumped around so much.

He had a steady girlfriend in the Detroit area. She got pregnant with his baby. He had just turned 17, but wanted to take full responsibility for this child. I could see the excitement in his eyes. As he was telling me how he would never be like his father. How he was ready to take on 2 jobs to give "his" child a decent life. The phone rang! It was Jenny, (his girlfriend), she was at a clinic at the time aborting their baby. I don't think I've ever seen him that hurt. :( We all know he was too young to have a baby, but he just looked so proud and serious.

Marks father finally got wind of our search, and called. What a shocker! I let him talk to Tricia, and Shawn, and gave him the number to reach Mark at. He called often for about 2 weeks. The kids were getting excited and looking forward to these calls. Then they stopped. Markie planned his schedule around these calls, but his dad was always drunk, and Mark was normally disappointed when his phone call ended. He never really expected the phone calls anymore. He didn't get them either. A rough lesson to be learned, but the resentment started fading with Bob, and the respect grew.

He started doing very, very good when he moved to his Uncles in Traverse City. He worked with his Uncles, and soon had another job. "My baby was growing up". He enrolled in school for the next semester, and signed up for drivers training. I was getting phone calls from him(happy phone calls) He was so proud of himself, and wanted to share his good doings with me. It warmed my heart so much, to hear him so happy.

Thanksgiving 1997, Mark came to visit for the week. For some reason every time he came, the phone would start ringing off the hook. Girls, girls, girls!!!! I started thinking Mark carried a scent about him, and they could smell him when he came into town. He was very popular with the girls when he was here, and it didn't change when he came to visit. He got together with one of his friends, and his cousin, and got into some trouble while he was here. We think it might have been the last straw for him. They were told to stay out of trouble, and they could go home for now.

Dec 3rd, 1997, at 5:30 am Bob got up to go to work and found Mark and his cousin sitting in the back of 2 police cars in front of the house. They were both drunk! Mark was making 911 calls with suicide threats, on a cell phone outside. He had the gun, and told 911 that he was going to the park, and wanted them to come and clean up the mess.

After they took the boys to jail, Bob started searching the house for the alcohol. What he found was a suicide note written by Mark and his cousin.

I couldn't believe how hard it was to get Mental Health to go down and evaluate the boys, in fact we found out later that the arresting officer even requested an evaluation. We had to take the suicide note down to prove that they were a threat to themselves. They finally did evaluate them(if you want to call it that). We were finally told that they were kidding and drunk. They were no threat to themselves.

Mark begged me to get him out that day, but I didn't think it was a good idea. I figured he needed a taste of jail, and needed dry out time (tough love is so hard). That was so, so hard. Seeing the tears in his eyes as he was begging. THAT HURT!!!

I let him sit in there 2-1/2 days until court, then placed bond. It was Dec 5th, 1997. He told me that he would never go back. I thought he had learned his lesson. The next day he left for Traverse City again.

Things went down hill from there. Mark lost all will power again, and was told to pack his stuff, and leave one morning when he wouldn't get up for work. He stayed until Christmas. They all came for Christmas dinner, and I guess Mark thought he was leaving with his Uncle after Christmas. When his Uncle started walking out the door without Mark is when he realized, he was to stay here with us.(another heartbreak) His Uncle promised from day one that this would never happen. His words were "He would never give up on Mark", this is probably why Markie did so well to begin with.

The next few days were brief. He spent as much time as he could with who was here. Shawn and Tricia were in Florida with their Grandparents, so they didn't get this special time. He watched a whole Hockey game with Bob. Mark didn't care for Hockey. He played basketball with Scott, and challenged me to a game of darts. The last couple of days, Mark tried to make special. He really did! He tried to give us memories to cherish. And we will!

Jan. 5th, 1998, just like any other day, I left for work, the kids left for school. Back into our routine we had before Christmas break, same old thing, we came home for lunch, as we always did. Mark was on the computer playing some new games we had gotten for Christmas. Right before leaving to go back to work, Mark had called to me. He stared, then asked, "huh, how do you do this?" I told him from across the room, that he knew how, and that I had to hurry back. He turned back to the computer as I said "bye". As I walked out the door he said "I LOVE YOU", he never had a problem with telling me this, so I told him that I loved him too, with the remark "I love it when he says it first".

Those were the last words my son, Mark had ever said to me.

It was approx. 4:15 that afternoon, that I received that horrible phone call. I was told by Bobby to come home NOW! I wouldn't hang up without an explanation. He finally said "MARK SHOT HIMSELF". I grabbed Bob, and was gone. It took us about 2 min to get home. The street was covered with police cars, and an ambulance. Mark was gone! He had shot himself in the head with a hunting rifle, under our blanket, in our bed. GONE, GONE FOREVER!

Nobody had actually seen the worst of him except the officers. One officer is a friend of the family, and even took it hard, but he did stay and took care of a lot of the mess for our sakes. He made the comment that Mark did it with respect for us. I couldn't figure that one out right away, but he meant, that Mark purposely reduced the major mess with the blankets.

The next few days were a blur! A lot of caring people came to be with us. My family came right away. I told my mother, father, Shawn, and Tricia they did not need to cut their vacation in Florida short. They came as soon as they returned, and stayed with me for awhile. The services were Jan 8th, 1998, with a closed casket, it is all such a blur from then on, all I'll say is: I love and miss you Mark, and many others do. If I could have anything, just anything in this whole world, I'd want you back with me.

Written by:
Elaine Davison
Mom to:
Mark Baker
7/31/80 - 01/05/98